People try to understand, they try to sympathize with our struggles, but unless you've been here you simply can't imagine what it's like, nor should you. I stay behind these four walls of our home, our safe haven, germ free, not wanting to leave and people don't really understand my fear for leaving. I have not become agoraphobic, but every time I leave the house, without Kaleb, I fear he'll be gone when I get home. It was best told by another family who lost their daughter shortly before Christmas. She told about a piece from a book called Life After Death which is about a daughter dying of cancer but, "she could not die with her mother around. Her mom wanted so badly to keep her here. The daughter had visited the angels so many times already, but she just could not break her mothers heart by leaving and her mom would never leave her side. Finally when a nurse convinced her to take a break - to go home and shower or something the daughter was able to leave...". I could not have worded it better, that is why I hate leaving him. This is the same reason I have trouble getting to sleep at night, if I close my eyes, the next time I open them, he may be gone.