Even though I knew you'd never grow up, that you would never get to do what other kids will, it still doesn't make this any easier. I still think about the things you should be doing, I see other kids running around and playing and think about how great it would have been to see you do that. There are signs up all around town for football and baseball sign-up and I wonder which one you would have liked, which one would you have been good at. I see kids walking to school and think soon, that would have been you. Even though I knew that would not be your life, it's still hard not to imagine. Your life was quiet, and comfortable, it was full of love but also medicine and machines - I still find myself putting the dishes away very quietly and get mad at myself when I make a loud noise - I don't need to do that anymore. I went from being on high alert 24/7 to hitting a wall and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with the emptiness and heartache. I thought it was quiet before in this house - now, it's really quiet.
I'm trying to be as brave as you were, but the truth is, I'm not. I'm sad and I'm broken and I'm reminded of that every morning when I wake up and you are not here with me. I have two children, one all grown up who has long since stopped needing his mommy, and one who I can no longer see or touch...