I know I’m supposed to celebrate in the fact that Christopher is a self-sufficient and independent young man but that, along with growing up, means he has less and less time for his mother. I understand this, when you start to live your own life, work, school and the responsibilities of paying your own bills leave little room for parents. I know he won’t forget me on this day but I long for the days when he would come home from school with his hand made card and gift for me, with a giant smile on his face, beaming with pride that he had made it all by himself! I miss how he would call me mommy and throw his arms around my neck and tell me how much he loved me….this kind of nostalgia reminds me that these are all things Kaleb never got the chance to do. Would he call me mom or mommy, would he be as excited about handing me a card he had worked so hard on in school? Would he want to make me breakfast in bed and profess his love for me? In this life, I will always be left to wonder these things.
Of all the holiday’s, for me, Mother’s Day is the hardest – both of my “boys” are gone, one is now a man and the other never had a chance.
I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear
A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought,
every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside
I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know
That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night.
She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored,
and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do;
to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.