Throughout my life, I have heard SO MANY times, life goes on. No matter how much my heartaches, when I wake up in the morning feeling like today I just can't - somehow, I always do, and....life goes on. We have gone through some major changes in these past several months since my last post. I'm thrilled to have Christopher home with us, although I know he'd rather be out on his own - it makes my heart happy to have him close. Dave and I bought and completely renovated a condo, that was a lot of work; and I recently went back to work.... life goes on.
I have had the opportunity on several occasions to hear my husband tell our story in a public format, his message is a beautiful one; a message of turning grief into hope. When I meet new people, they almost always say "I can't imagine..." but the truth is, they did, just for a split second they thought about what it might be like to lose one of their children and because it's such a horrific thought, they put it out of their mind. That is then followed by, "I couldn't be as strong as you, how do you manage?" We are not stronger than anyone else, we do not posses some special skill that keeps us from falling deep into that pit of sadness,what we have is hope and a promise that we will all be together again. Dave and I have renewed our relationship with God, and His promises give us both hope. We draw our strength from Him and each other. We have both learned that we deal with grief differently, but we respect each other's ways of handling it. We have learned together that grief is and always will be a part of our lives but it's not a place we stay in. We do not go through grief, we live with it each and every day, it's now a part of how we are and yes, some days are easier than others.
I am grateful for the new friendships I am developing at work and I am grateful that I get to continue talking about Kaleb with people who did not know him, but want to. I am grateful for my friends who continue to be there for me, nearly three years after his passing. For friends who say his name and think of him often. Too many times, I hear from other grieving parents, they do not get the support that we do. I am most grateful for a closer relationship with my God, who has given me a wonderful husband, and for my children and grandchildren - they remind me that even though I have an ache in my heart, I still have so much to look forward too.
Happy 7th birthday Kaleb. You are gone from my eyes but never from my heart.
1 Corinthians 13 (WE)
13 If I talk with the tongues of men and even of angels, but if I do not love people, then I am only like the sound of a big horn or a loud bell.
2 If I speak words from God, if I can understand all secrets, and know everything, if I can move mountains by believing, but if I do not love people, I am nothing, even though I can do all of these things.
3 If I give away all I have, and if I give my body to be burned, but if I do not love people, I get nothing out of it.
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. Love is not proud and does not boast.
5 Love does not do things that are not nice. Love does not just think of itself. Love does not get angry. Love holds no wrong feelings in the heart.
6 Love is not glad when people do wrong things. But it is always glad when they do right.
7 Love forgives everything. Love is always trusting, and always hoping, and never gives up.
8 Love never ends. The gift of speaking words from God will end. The gift of speaking in different tongues or languages will stop. The gift of knowing many things will end.
9 Now we know only a little, and we can speak only a little of God's words.
10 But when everything becomes perfect, that part will come to an end.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child. I understood like a child. I thought like a child. But when I became a man, I stopped doing things like a child.
12 Now it is like looking in a looking-glass which does not make things clear. We cannot see and understand things plainly. But when things become perfect, then we shall fully know and understand everything, just as God knows.
13 These three things will remain for ever. They are faith, hope, and love. And love is the greatest of them.