Since diagnosis day, I've pretty much "celebrated" each holiday and birthday thinking it will be the last one he gets to share with us. I've often times found myself thinking that I wish I didn't know that Kaleb isn't going to be here for the years that we had hoped and then I think that if I didn't know, I wouldn't have the luxury, if you will, of treating each day like it's his last....let me explain...
A couple weeks ago a little boy was killed while waiting for his school bus to pick him up and I find myself thinking, what kind of morning did he have, were his mommy, daddy and siblings there, were they happy that morning, did they say good-bye with a hug and a kiss or was it a rushed morning and just a peck on the head - or God forbid did they have a bad morning, we all know that youngsters sometimes have a way of getting on your nerves every now and then. They had no way of knowing that when they sent him to the bus stop that morning, they'd never get to hug him again. So I guess in some sense, I am glad that I know - that way I can't take even a second for granted.
I am a fan of Garth Brooks and always thought I understood his song "The Dance" but I equated it to lost love more than anything else but, not anymore. I've often wondered what I would have done if I had known what was going to happen to Kaleb, and I guess I'll never really know the answer to that question, but I can't imagine, as hard as it is to watch him go - not having him to love at all - I don't think I would've missed this dance.